in love with love and lousy poetry

i'll post here so no one can see & we'll hide forever, just you and me.

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 03:57:22 GMT

peel my skin off because the thought of such pathetic midnight wonders could eat me alive. slaughter the part of you that exists within my now lifeless heart. oh, how thrilling, it's been months since i've lived up in those bright stars. my palms are sweating and the butterflies in my stomach have decayed, and withered away. my stomach folds inside out and i have chills running through the creases. fire has never burned so beautifully, and devastation has never run so quickly down my cheeks. apathy has never been so thirst quenching and even spontaneity couldn't be this creative. my mind is clouded and my arms are tied back. your words have sunk into my skin and your last touch still remains a mystery.

peel my skin off and i promise that day by day i will push your delicate and fragile voice out of my head. peel my skin off, and night-by-night i will no longer have a hunger for such men. they live in denial and walk through oblivion; such fickle little boys that will fall in love with anyone who gives them two dime's worth of attention. they hide behind their cement wall- castles and break themselves more than anyone else has. they yearn for rage and find comfort in sorrow. pathetic little boys; they hurt more than they love.

my body now rests underneath this pile of clothes that lay with such shame. my bed is made but the sheets still smell summer memories which i refer to as ghost. the sheets, they haunt me and tell of nothing more but disgrace. my reflection appears to be nothing more than a girl whose eyes sink of exhaustion and a frown that finds comfort in being jaded. i'll be praying for miracles and you'll be finding love in every corner of every street. happy endings are only in fairy tales, and i'm done in believing. there's nothing to hide anymore, the lethargy got a hold of me and has tied my arms back so tight that the blood vessels in my body begin to pop from the anger and regret.

i'm watching myself fall apart as i'm standing at my doorstep; the stars have already lost their color. i pick up the phone and dial those nauseating numbers, with my fingers crossed; i know you won't pick up, because fear and neglect manipulate you. it's always the same with you, there's never change and i'll be expecting nothing more than unanswered phone calls, and fabricated emotions followed by your awkward gestures and your far-fetched lies. so i leave you a message so you can hear the sarcasm in my voice just one last time. maybe it will pierce through your fickle skin and leave you dry and torn, just like my creases.

you have drained the life out of me, oh my love. your spiteful nature has worn me out, and my bones are now weak. miracles are only valid in fairy tails, so just peel my skin off, because inch by inch i will grow a new layer of happiness. feeling trapped, you've lured me into a world of misery and pain. the tears pour down my face like raindrops that have been stripped down to a bitter reality. so as i rest with my heart in my hands, ill pray that you peel my skin off because i don't want it anymore. it is stained with blood and regret. i'm tainted you see, and you've took my dignity with you.

i will finally shed this layer of memories that are infested with you and your heartwarming lies, but the second my hands become undone, and i am able to breath, you come knocking at my door, second guessing things, and playing that charming man, i once was foolish enough to fall into love with. with every hope in the world, you'll pray for a second chance, but pray all you want, i've just peeled off my shameful skin.

it's been awhile

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 23:36:08 GMT

sadie is now almost 6 months old and is still adorable.

last post on this journal

Wed, 04 May 2005 00:36:18 GMT

so alexis let me borrow her camera cord to put these on my computer. this is the last post i'll ever make on this livejournal. all other posts will be on my new livejournal. see past entries for the new username.

kristen on the ride there

the inside of my water bottle. hey, i was bored.

we arrived late. jesse was hungry so he wasnt too happy with us.

but of course, lori makes him happy.

we went to this restaurant called the top. we took his roomies. mike is on the left, then my brother and jerry jun on the right.

they're so cute it makes me sick

jesse mimicking my mom. she really does dance like that. it's so funny.

a couple beers later

jerry doing "the flight attendant" FUNNIEST THING EVER.

**GRADUATION DAY**

getting ready.

the walk there

my mom: just turn around and pose
jesse: jesus christ mom

so, our seats sucked.

then we moved down.

after the ceramony kristen gave jesse a flower.

mike, the guy he roomed with his freshman year

posing by the tree.

rushmore! only the cool kids understand.

with lori. really, too cute. i want a boyfriend.

on the gator.

university of florida. class of 2005.

we went out to dinner later. this was the only picture i took.

this was on the dry erase board at the apt. way too funny.

**the rest are randoms**

...came back in time for the bbq

scott likes to burn things.

went to walmart. we found this book entitled its okay to be different. apparently its okay to have big ears AND have wheels.

scott looking oh so thrilled to be holding one of my favorite books ever

and im done.

night of the dog wins

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 23:36:57 GMT

thanks to us loving fans who went and saw them twice and gave them 5 both times. night of the dog has won the audience award. this movie will be big in a year- tops. oh and look my boy is in the picture. it makes me laugh cause he looks like quentin tarantino and jordan pudnik, but oh he's amazing.

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 15:43:40 GMT

i steal pictures from bobbiealison<3

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 19:54:15 GMT

can't wait.

spring break '05

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 02:39:22 GMT

i was pretty sure people didn't want a huge text post of my 10 day trip up north, so i decided to do a picture post instead!

enjoy . . .

this is the cute emo scene boy who fell asleep on me on the airplane ride up. he looked like the lead singer of the strokes, but smelled awful. . anyway, i took a picture of him sleeping on me cause im cool like that

this is what i awoke to the next morning.

brian driving me somewhere :D

driving around with brian.

i made these while brian read PEOPLE - we were waiting for my sister to arrive with my neice

she arrived! i love her so much<3

**warning** : i went a little picture happy with sadie. i couldnt help it, she is beautiful!

sleeping

still sleeping

sleeping on daddy

WEST CHESTER - my favorite place ever. it's beautiful. this is where i want to raise my family.

this picture came out really dark, i tried to lighten it but failed-- sitting on the couch are my cousins lauren and janet.. janet is the one holding sadie. the boy in the white shirt is my cousin mark, the boy in green is my laurens son, mikey.

it started snowing one morning. this is a picture of my aunts backyard

it stuck to the ground a little!

then it stopped :(

my cousin, elizabeth

STEEN AND ERIC! they came over with brian and we watched napoleon

my camera hated brian that night

kristen holding sadie

daddy holding sadie in her pretty dress

my cousins (worth + elizabeth) and then kristen

me and my cousins made purses one day and this is mine. i think its cool.

brian and i went to see hawthorne heights/anberlin/sugarcult at the electric factory. here is anberlin<33.

more anberlin

anberlin saying goodbye

"im bouncing off the walls again, whoaaa"

yay sugarcult

the banner in the back was cool as hell

dali had an exibit while i was there, but it was impossible to get tickets

bye bye delaware!

i still refuse to believe it

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 03:21:25 GMT

i dont think we'll ever understand why you took your life. we wont know what you were feeling and why it had to happen like this, but i know one thing is for sure.. we will all miss you so much. i am so thankful that i got the chance to meet you and hang out with you on many different occasions. through the short amount of time i've known you i've come to realize how much you meant to me and some of my closest friends. you were such a fun kid to hang around, the life of the party i would call you. this city will never be the same without you.

rest in peace sean chaney<3

comment to be added

Tue, 30 Dec 2003 17:21:13 GMT

¡¡friends only!!